Thursday, October 22, 2015

Many.. Too Many..

Finally here.. I wonder. Just wonder.. Maybe i just write. Just write.

My last post was 2 months ago. Well actually i got thing going on with hospital and operation room. Alhamdulillah it went well, but i'm still have to take care.. Still in recovery actually. But now, right now.. There's bunch of things in my mind.. Like i said, i'm a bit private when come to my personal and private life. So i just wanna put out few in this post..

I realized few months ago, or early this year.. I just wanna call it "this thing". It can conquer me, my everything.. I hate it. Always try to stay positive everytime its starting, and it's hard.

No only this.. i've been thinking so many times. Should i continue my "Face Art Series"?. Should i stop doing my illustrations?. And focus on paintings, as i started long ago, up till now.. Or should i just stop both, stop doing art. Well, everytime i think about it.. My "this thing" involve.. It conquering, and its make me hard to think..

There's a reasons why, i started to think about it. I see.. doodle art, "conteng2" art, simple art.. Whatever kind of. It's like, other artist put out, do exhibitions, promo online, join events.. I see, they did it. Success. It's work. I'm happy to see my fellow artist friends when there's people love and want, love to have their artworks..

But, i got dissapointed.. I, see.. That, i've done the same. But, so far.. No matter what, no matter i tried, nothing, much.. What i can see.. People just love to see my artworks.. Not like they want to have, i guess.. With my private life, with actually, nobody really know.. It's hard.. It's hard, like.. No matter what, it's just will be another failure.. Sometimes i wonder, and ask, "Is it i didn't try much?. I didn't try hard enough?..".

Some people said, like.. "Let it all go.", "Try new style.".. I just be myself when i doing my artworks.. And problems that i have, it's involve not only personal matters of mine, but also my private matters. As i said, when i put "private", it's involve my family.. So.. How can i let it go?. When i'm part of it..?. Plus, just recently i learned a news.. Which, i don't think i can share. It's hard one.. There's a time i can think about all of this, 3, 4, 5, things in my brain.. I feel, crazy.. Stuck. I just hate it. I hate this, when it's happen. And many said to me "sabar".. Yes. But how long?. Everyone's sabar have its limit.. But the most that i'm worry.. Is, how long i can hold on?.        

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